Monday, 5 December 2022

Beyond the Garden Gate

A bit more writing for you. This is an idea that has been knocking around in my head for a little while, and which I've finally gotten around to writing down. I won't say too much because I don't want to spoil the ending, but my inspiration will be obvious. If anyone has any suggestions for a better title, please let me know. This one is strictly a working title.


Beyond the Garden Gate

John stamped over to the greenhouse, yanked the door open and stepped inside. He knelt and picked up the tray of young cabbages, trying not to moan as his knees and hips reminded him that he was no longer a young man. He straightened, and his back added its voice to the litany of complaints.

In reality though, he barely felt the merely physical pains. He was smarting too much already to pay them much notice. His whole body was thrumming with hurt and anger and resentment. He and Mary had had another argument. “Argument”. Call it what it was; a blazing row. The house stood by itself in the midst of a huge garden, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Miss Potter up on the hill had heard them. Nosey old busybody that she was, always wandering about the countryside looking for gossip, the hard-faced bitch.

Mary always seemed to be angry these days. He knew what had set her off this time. The Cothills down in the village had just had another grandson. Their third, John thought. Mary would never admit it, not in a hundred years, but he knew she resented the fact that they’d never had children. Not for want of trying, at first at least. But either something wasn’t right with him, or it wasn’t right with her, or the Lord had just never seen fit, and now they were both far too old. No children, no grandchildren, no-one to look after them as they headed slowly downhill.

That was why he had to keep up the garden. Keep growing the vegetables, keep selling them, keep sending them off to town to grace the dinner tables there. Couldn’t stop, because if he did where would the money come from? Where would the food come from? They had already complained that the last hamper was too light, and warned that they’d have to buy their vegetables elsewhere if he couldn’t make up the shortfall. Something else to worry about. They were poor enough as it was. Couldn’t even afford to buy himself baccy nowadays, unless he happened to catch a couple of rabbits that he could sell in the village.

He stumped out, carrying the tray of young cabbages. Ah yes, the rabbits. The garden backed onto a wood, and it was crawling with them. Not to mention the mice, badgers, birds and other pests who made it their job to despoil his garden and snatch the very food from their mouths. He’d set traps and snares, put up netting, tried to close up the gap under the gate and still they got in.

He reached the bed he’d prepared and set the tray down with another groan. How much longer could he keep this up? He was an old man, and he could tell that his strength was failing. His hearing was going too. Soon he wouldn’t be able to hear Mary going on at him, so that was something at least.

Always going on. Always something wrong. Always something he hadn’t done, or something he had. Never a kind word. Never a smile. Never a thank you for all the hard work he did to keep them fed. Never a bloody help around the garden either. At least she could cook. Her rabbit pie was more than half decent. His stomach rumbled. He’d get these cabbages planted, then he’d go in for a sandwich.

He picked up the trowel and leant forward, digging a hole and putting one of the plants in. His knees hurt. His back hurt. His hips hurt. He planted another one, and another, stabbing the soil with his trowel as though he could pay the earth back some of the pain and anger and sadness and disappointment and resentment and fear that filled his life.

Then, out of the corner of his eye, he caught movement. Looking up, he saw a rabbit hop out from behind a cucumber frame. It froze, staring at him with wide eyes. He stared back at it, and for a moment they were both absolutely still.

“Oh no you don’t!” he snarled under his breath. There was a rake on the ground near him and he snatched it up, leaping to his feet. The little bastard immediately bolted. “Stop, thief!” He sprinted after it with a speed born from rage and desperation. The creature had made itself an avatar for everything that was unfair and unjust and unhappy about John’s world, and he was going to get his revenge.

The rabbit darted here and there in a wild panic, and he moved to try and cut off it’s escape, ready to strike with the rake and break its back if he could. It rushed in amongst the cabbages, then darted through the potatoes, going faster now. The little demon would have got away completely if it hadn’t run headfirst into the gooseberry net. It thrashed around in a frenzy of fear, but only got itself more thoroughly tangled.

John grinned. “Got you, you little bastard!” He snatched up a large metal sieve and stepped forward to slam it down on the rabbit and trap it, but at the very last moment, thrashing around wildly it tore itself free. Still in a blind panic, it turned and bolted straight into the tool shed.

John was breathing hard, trembling with exertion and excitement. “You won’t get away this time…” he growled. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him. “I know you’re in here,” he called in a sing-song voice. “You’re in here somewhere!”

He glanced around. He had a large number of flowerpots in here, stored upside down. Maybe it had got in under one of them… He moved up to the first and carefully turned it over, ready to grab at anything that made a move. Nothing. He turned over the second. Nothing. The third…

At that moment there was a sound from the rusty old watering can in the corner. He spun towards it but as he came up a shape burst out in a spray of water and the stink of wet fur. John yelled and tried to stamp his boot down on it but it darted away, leaping for the window. He swore; it stood slightly open and the beast forced its way through the gap, knocking over three plants that he’d placed on the sill. He heard the pots shatter on the path outside.

John stared at the empty window, panting. His shoulders slumped, and all the aches and pains came flooding back as the anger drained away, worse than ever. He sighed. He’d wasted enough time, and slowly stumped back to the cabbages.

He got them done, and thought about heading in for a bite. He was hungry enough. But Mary would be in the kitchen. If he went back in, she’d start tongue-lashing him again. Or worse still, she’d say nothing, and there’d just be silence, hot and heavy and tense. He couldn’t face that. Not yet.

He went back to the tool shed and got the hoe. The onion beds needed doing. Perhaps after that he’d go back inside. Perhaps. Or he could stay out here by himself. Better to be alone. Better to be lonely than to face her anger and resentment and disappointment again today. They had to go to town tomorrow, and they’d be sat in the gig for an hour each way. Best to stay out of her way for now, and maybe by tomorrow they’d both have calmed down a bit. Enough to be civil at least. Maybe.

He set to hoeing, letting himself get into the rhythm of the work, letting it drown out everything else. Scriiiitch. Scratch. Scratch. Scritch.

Suddenly movement again. John looked up in time to see another rabbit, or perhaps the same one as before, dart out from behind the blackberry bushes and streak towards the gate. Out of habit John leapt up to give chase, but the rabbit was under the gate and off into the woods before he could get close. He slowed as he reached the gate, and watched as it galloped away into the woods and out of sight. He envied it. If only he could run off into the woods. Just squeeze under the gate and disappear. No garden. No worries. No work. No Mary. He stood and stared for a long time after the beast had vanished from view, his hoe forgotten in his hand.

Eventually, he sighed and shook himself. The light was starting to fade, and he was famished. Mary would probably complain about him not coming in for lunch. Make it a deliberate slight. “You do it a’purpose!” she’d say in her querulous, whining voice. Well, yes. He had.

He did a quick tour of the garden to see that everything was right, and give himself a few more peaceful minutes. While he was doing so, he picked up a few things that the rabbit had dropped as it ran. “Too small to sell,” he muttered, “but I can use them to make a scarecrow.” He had an old hat he could use too. Maybe he’d do that before he went back in. It wouldn’t take long. Carrying the two shoes and the little blue jacket, Mr. McGregor turned and headed back to the tool shed.


Copyright Thomas Jones 2022

Wednesday, 26 October 2022

I Hope That They Cry at my Funeral

This one is going to be a little morbid, and more than a little maudlin so I apologise in advance, but it's something that's been knocking about in my head for a while.

It involves the many people I've encountered who have said something to the effect of, "I don't want anyone to be sad at my funeral. I want it to be a celebration of my life, not a mourning of my death. I want people to be happy that I lived, not sad that I died." I understand the sentiment, and it makes sense. Indeed in a way it's extremely praiseworthy. No-one should want other people to be sad. However, it's not a sentiment that I share.

You see, I do hope people are sad at my funeral. That is, I don't want people to be sad for its own sake. Rather, I hope that I will have lived the kind of life that other people will be sorry to see end. I hope I will have been the kind of person who people are sad to see go. I hope people will miss me. I hope they will mourn me. I hope the event of my death is indeed a sad one for the people I leave behind. I also hope that there are a lot of them to be sad. People whose lives I've touched and who wish to come and say goodbye.

And I don't just want them to be sad; I too want them to be happy I lived. I want them to be proud of me, and proud that they knew me. I want them to feel grateful for the time we had together. I want them to think of me and smile through the tears. 

This is a very tall order, so I'd better start living that sort of life, and being that sort of person, because it won't happen by itself.

In the meantime, in thinking about this, I have once again been moved to poetry:


I Hope That They Cry at my Funeral

 

I hope that they cry at my funeral,

I hope that they’re sad I’m no more,

That they’ll grieve when I’m gone,

Once my life is all done,

And at last I have passed through the door.

 

I hope that they weep at my funeral,

As they gather from miles around,

With slow, heavy tread,

And with low-hanging head,

To consign me at last to the ground.

 

I hope that they’re quiet at my funeral,

Standing there silent and still,

With tears in each eye,

as they carry me by,

And with no-one there thinking me ill.

 

I hope that they sing at my funeral,

With gratitude, heartbreak, and pride,

The song swelling loud,

From the hearts of the crowd,

To be heard by those passing outside.

 

I hope that they stand at my funeral,

With hearts and with heads held up high.

With smiles through the tears,

As they think of the years,

That we shared before saying goodbye.


Copyright Thomas Jones 2022.


Wednesday, 22 June 2022

Make Me Kind 2: Attempted Hymnody

I shared the poem/hymn I wrote in my last post on a couple of different Facebook groups, to largely positive responses. More than one person asked if it had been set to music. Then, both my Mum and my sister, who look at these posts when I share them to Facebook, as I often do, pointed out that as written the words fitted rather well to the tune of Ode to Joy.

With this in mind I went and expanded and reworked them somewhat. I now present the completed work here as my attempt to break into the (I assume) highly lucrative hymn-writing industry:



Make Me Kind

 

When the day is never-ending,

And I’m tired in soul and mind,

When my whole body’s aching,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

Though the world seems unrelenting,

And I find myself resigned,

To the constant heavy burden,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

 

When I see the world’s injustice,

And I feel the chains that bind,

Though I’m weary from the struggle,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

Should another try to harm me,

And their lies about me wind,

As I’m battered and I’m bettered,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

 

When debating with another,

And our views are misaligned,

Even when they strongly differ,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

When a person’s slinging insults,

And I feel myself maligned,

Where they’re hateful and they’re hurtful,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

 

When I walk along with others,

And our lives are thus entwined,

Even if it’s only briefly,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

As we meet with many hurdles,

And we stagger, lost and blind,

When the journey's at its hardest,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

 

Out of all the earthly virtues,

Let me keep this one enshrined.

In my doing and my saying,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

While my faith keeps on sustaining,

And my hope goes unconfined,

Still above them and beyond them,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

 

When my life is filled with gladness,

And the joys I’d lost, I find,

When all things to me are given,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

When I lay aside my burdens,

As I leave this world behind,

And at last, I stand before You,

Let them say that I was kind.

 

 

Copyright Thomas Jones, 2022


Wednesday, 25 May 2022

Make Me Kind

Much ink has been spilt over the increasingly tribal, partisan, vitriolic nature of public debate and engagement, whether it be politics (broad distinction as it is nowadays, with almost every aspect of human life now a marker of political affiliation), religion, or even fandoms. It’s occasionally understandable. Sometimes when faced with someone whose views seem so obviously, wilfully wrongheaded and immoral, frustration, exasperation and righteous rage spill into insults and harsh rhetoric. I’m as guilty of that as anyone, even though I know it’s not the way to win people over, or to build a reciprocity of respectful, constructive dialogue.

To counter this, there have been many pleas for there to be more kindness, both in our private and public lives, and I think that this is more important than it first appears. 'Kindness' can sound rather twee, but really it's just love given expression, and we are informed that Love is the greatest of the cardinal virtues. When we fail to be kind, we fail to love.

Recently a few lines sprang into my head, and grew from there, and this is the result. I have written before about my wish to become a famous (and wealthy) hymn writer, and perhaps the below is my contribution to English hymnody, although as yet I lack a tune to set the words to. The lyrics stem from the fact that I am not always, or indeed often, a naturally kind person, so I need to be constantly reminded, even if the person I’m speaking to is so obviously, obnoxiously wrong about everything.

  

Make Me Kind

 

When the day is never-ending,

When I’m tired in soul and mind,

And my whole body’s aching,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

 

When the world seems unrelenting,

And I find myself resigned,

To the constant heavy burden,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

 

When others try to harm me,

And their lies about me wind,

And I’m battered and I’m bettered,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

 

When a person’s slinging insults,

And I feel myself maligned,

Where they’re hateful and they’re hurtful,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

 

When I see the world’s injustice,

And I feel the chains that bind,

And I’m weary from the struggle,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

 

When I walk along with others,

And our lives are thus entwined,

Even if it’s only briefly,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

 

When my life is filled with gladness,

And the things I’d lost I find,

When all things to me are given,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

 

While my faith keeps on sustaining,

And my hope goes unconfined,

Still above them and beyond them,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

 

Of all the earthly virtues,

Let me keep this one enshrined.

In my doing and my saying,

Make me kind, Lord. Make me kind.

 

When I lay aside my burdens,

As I leave this world behind,

And at last, I stand before You,

Let them say that I was kind.

 

©Thomas Jones, 2022

Saturday, 23 April 2022

Skeletons, Ladies’ Toilets, and the Abuse of Rights

It’s been a long while since I pontificated on this blog, but I’ve had another Thought that might perhaps be worth sharing. It’s to do with women’s rights, trans rights, and the perceived clash between the two. Now, there are many who would point out that the last thing either women or trans people need is a cis-gendered male telling them their own business, and they’re absolutely right. With this in mind I’ve hesitated for a long time to publish this, and consulted with a few people with more right than myself to have an opinion on the subject to make sure that what I was thinking wasn’t complete nonsense. Nevertheless, I had the Thought, and I’ve decided to finally put it out there to be ignored or not as people see fit.

I’m coming at this one via a rather circuitous route, and with a bit of a run-up, but bear with me and I’ll get you there in the end.

 

Of Skeletons and Salvation

A while ago, the BBC published an article about the Salvation Army in the early 20th century, and the problems they had with a parodic counter-movement who called themselves the Skeleton Army. Their Modus Operandi was to form mobs and follow Salvationist marches, shouting, singing, hurling missiles and generally being a serious nuisance to all concerned.

However, rather than simply deal with the hooligans, various local authorities took it as an opportunity to do something about the rather unpopular Salvationists too.

To quote the article:

The board tried to ban "marching with music on a Sunday" on the grounds it attracted Skeleton troublemakers. But it was later ruled that a lawful activity (marching with music on a Sunday) was not made unlawful by the unlawful actions of others (Skeletons rioting).

In terms of freedom of expression, this principle is still the benchmark in constitutional law.

 

Of Toilets and Terror

There are feminists (I use the term somewhat loosely) who claim that trans women shouldn’t be allowed into women-only spaces such as toilets, changing rooms or shelters. A common argument in defence of this seems to be that if you start allowing trans women to enter such spaces, predatory cis-het men might take the opportunity to disguise themselves and enter those places to commit assaults and other abuses.

In fact, to quote a certain Ms Rowling:

When you throw open the doors of bathrooms and changing rooms to any man who believes or feels he’s a woman ... then you open the door to any and all men who wish to come inside.

The statistics show that in those places where trans women are allowed to use such spaces, there has been absolutely no increase in sexual violence or public safety issues. However, it also made me think of the passage quoted above. The argument is essentially, ‘Trans women shouldn’t have the right to enter women-only spaces, because then cis men might abuse those rights.’ It’s as daft (and as wrong) as saying ‘Some people shouldn’t be allowed to parade, because other people might riot’.

Indeed it’s an argument against allowing anyone to do anything. ‘Chefs shouldn’t be allowed kitchen knives, because gang members might stab people’.

Let’s be clear. Trans women are women, but if your argument is that the rights of trans people should be restricted and curtailed because other people might misuse them, then you are factually, morally, ethically and legally wrong, and that’s all there is to it.

Wednesday, 6 April 2022

Little Miss Sunshine: A Biting Satirical Critique of the Dismissal of Mental Illness and its Sufferers

It's been a long time since my last blog post (February 2020!). Fortunately, absolutely nothing has occurred since then that would require my comment.

What has stirred me to action once more is another children's book. My son is now three, and still requires an awful lot of reading to. Amongst the many books on his bookshelf are several Mr Men books, including Little Miss Sunshine. I do not especially care for this book as it appears on the surface (although it must be admitted that it has aged considerably better than Mr. Tickle). However, a deeper and fuller literary analysis, such as that to which I exposed The Elephant and the Bad Baby reveals a considerable subtext and reveals the full strength of Roger Hargreaves' satirical skill.


Little Miss Sunshine: A Biting Satirical Critique of the Dismissal of Mental Illness and its Sufferers

Little Miss Sunshine (Hargreaves, 1981) is an excellent book, replete with a dry, ironic humour that is very easy to miss. Typical of Hargreaves' subtle, sarcastic wit, on the surface it's the straightforward tale of how Little Miss Sunshine helps to cheer up the King of Miseryland. Indeed, some people even seem to take this story at face value. However, in this essay, I will demonstrate that it is in fact a detailed and compassionate study of the way mental illness is dismissed and disregarded, and a cutting critique of the way sufferers are patronised and ignored.

 

ATTENTION, IF YOU HAVE NOT READ LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE, THERE WILL BE SPOILERS BELOW

 

To summarise the plot, we are first introduced to Miseryland, where everyone is miserable all the time. Even the birds and earthworms are miserable. The king of Miseryland is worst of all, sitting on his throne all day long and crying his eyes out.

 

Little Miss Sunshine sees a road sign for Miseryland, and on a whim decides to visit, passing a sign which warns that smiling, laughing, giggling and all other displays of happiness are forbidden by royal decree. She drives on and arrives at the royal castle where she carelessly smiles at a guard and is promptly arrested.

 

She is marched through the castle to the throne room, where she is denounced to the king, who is now even more miserable than before. Little Miss Sunshine asks if he would like to be happy. He replies that he would, but he can’t, because they’re in Miseryland. Little Miss Sunshine drives him back out to the sign, and uses a marker pen to re-write it, making happiness legal and renaming the country Laughter Land. The king (and presumably everyone else) can now be happy, and Little Miss Sunshine goes home.

 

That’s the plot as it is presented, but I believe that Hargreaves’ true intention with this piece was otherwise than might first appear. I would suggest that the true focus of this work, indeed the true protagonist is not, as first appears, Little Miss Sunshine, but the king.

 

When we are first introduced to him, we are told that he sits on his throne all day long, crying. Now one might think that the most important piece of information here is that he is crying. I would contend that the most important thing is that he is on his throne. This is clearly a man struggling with the most severe clinical depression, and yet every single day, he gets out of bed, he gets dressed, he goes out and HE DOES HIS JOB. He might be sitting there with the tears streaming down his face, but he IS sitting there. Anyone who has themselves struggled with depression, or who knows someone who has, will know what a heroic effort this can sometimes be.

 

Then Little Miss Sunshine arrives. She enters Miseryland, and is immediately informed of the laws and customs of the country she has come to. She heads for the seat of government, and in a staggering display of cultural insensitivity immediately breeches these laws, to the shock and upset of the member of the local law enforcement who has come to welcome her. She is rightly arrested, and taken straight to the king to receive justice (displaying the efficiency of the Miserian legal system).

 

She is presented to the king, and her list of crimes recited, to the king’s significant distress. Rather than take the time to try and learn the history of the country, and discover why Miseryland is so miserable, so that she can actually try and help, Little Miss Sunshine pours scorn on the country’s long-held customs. Then she says something that will surely stick in the craw of anyone who has ever suffered from depression. ‘Well, have you just tried being happy?’

 

Of course! Why hadn’t the king thought of that? Why didn’t he just stop being depressed? Genius. Little Miss Sunshine is presented as one of those obnoxious people who thinks that the best way to cure someone of depression is to be gratuitously, pointedly happy at them. I do not know whether Roger Hargreaves ever suffered from depression himself and received this ‘helpful’ advice, but this section is certainly pointed, his ironic wit skewering the grinning would-be helper with rapier precision.

 

Overbearing the king’s objections, Little Miss Sunshine marches him back through his own castle, bundles him into her car and drives back to the sign. Here, without so much as a ‘by your leave’, she vandalises it, rewriting the time-honoured traditions of Miseryland, and even renaming the country entirely. The paternalistic and colonialist overtones of this are clear, Hargreaves imbuing Little Miss Sunshine with an impenetrable certainty that her ways of doing things are inherently and manifestly better than those of the country she has stumbled in to, without even pausing to ask why things might be the way they are in the first place.

 

Rather than have her executed on the spot, the king capitulates (or at least pretends to). He forces a smile, a laugh even, presenting an outwardly happy exterior despite the fact that nothing has been done to actually treat the crippling depression that must surely still be consuming him from within. This at least has the intended effect of making Little Miss Sunshine leave, convinced that she has helped. When she gets home, she brags to Mr Happy that she has wiped Miseryland from the map, having committed cultural genocide and ridden roughshod over the true feelings of the inhabitants without having to put in the effort of actually helping at all.

 

Roger Hargreaves’ dry, sarcastic, needle-sharp critique of the way mental illness is so often dismissed, and its sufferers patronised and infantilised, is just as relevant now as when it was first published. It is a rebuke to those who would dismiss mental illness as (pardon the expression) a figment of the mind, and reading it, and understanding the message concealed within makes me very happy indeed.