I’ve
not posted here for over a month, but fear not, the stream of, um, whatever it
is I do here has not been cut off.
Christmas and New Year were busy and less than ideal (expensive and
inconvenient car problems). However, all that is behind me, and no doubt the international situation will provide plenty of grist for my mill.
I
am also now in the curious position of being a depublished author. Not unpublished, because as you may know my
novel Three Men on a Pilgrimage was available for sale, but depublished. My novel is currently not longer available. The publishers, Whispering Tree, were only
ever a very small operation, and they’ve not had the early successes they were
hoping for and run into some financial problems. Due to their size, they were also unable to
provide the marketing activity that Three Men really required. As a result, I’ve requested the rights to
Three Men back from them with immediate effect, and they’ve agreed. I now need to find a publisher to take it on,
and hopefully, God willing, with the good review it received in Premier
Christianity, that won’t be too hard. It
also gives me an opportunity to correct a few typos that slipped past the
proof-reader, and a few awkward sentences that stand out to me like leprous
thumbs.
If
you happen to be a big and/or rich publisher or literary agent looking for a
quirky theological comedy (and I assume that these are relatively common)
please feel free to get in touch
In
the meantime, here is something I wrote a little while ago. No doubt similar things exist, but this one is
mine, and I submit it to you, the blog reading public to see what you make of
it.
The Ugly Soul
“Little
creature?”
“Who’s that?”
“Little
creature, come out of the darkness.”
“You’re
mistaken. There’s no-one here!”
“I know you’re
there.”
“Go away!”
“Come out into
the light.”
“No!”
“Why not?”
“I don’t want
to!”
“No?”
“No!”
“Look at this
one. They’ve stepped into the
light. Look how happy they are.”
“They do look
happy yes, but that’s because they have nothing to hide.”
“What do you
have to hide?”
“I’m ugly!”
“Who told you
that you’re ugly?”
“I am. I know it.
I know myself. I do not wish to
be seen for what I am.”
“Little
creature, you will not start being what you really are until you step into the
light.”
“But if I stay
in the dark, no-one will see me. You
won’t see me.”
“Little
creature, I can already see you.”
“No you can’t!”
“Yes. I can.
I can see every inch of you.”
“Then you can
see how ugly I am!”
“I can see that
while you stay in the darkness, you will always be ugly.”
“Then why would
I come into the light and prove it to everyone else?”
“Do you see
this one who stands in the light? Are
they not beautiful?”
“They are. Oh, they are!”
“Do you not
wish to be like that?”
“I do! I wish to be like that!”
“Then step into
the light.”
“I can’t!”
“This one who
dances in the light was once as ugly as you.”
“Impossible! They are beautiful and no-one is as ugly as
me!”
“They were as
ugly as you until they came into the light.
It is the light that shows them to be
beautiful.”
“I want to be
in the light…”
“Then step
forwards.”
“I can’t! I can’t!
I can’t! They’ll see me! You’ll
see me!”
“I see you
already. Step forwards.”
“No!”
“Leave your
ugliness behind. There is not a one who
plays in the light that has not stepped out of the darkness, not a one who was
not as ugly, or uglier than you.”
“None can be as
ugly as me!”
“A great many
have been far uglier than you. Crouching
in the darkness, you overestimate your own hideousness, and make a deformity
out of a flaw.”
“I want to play
in the light. I want to join them, but I
am ashamed. They are so beautiful”
“They are not
beautiful. They are as they’ve always
been, as you are now, or worse. It is
the light that falls on them that is beautiful, and that is what you see. Step into the light, and you will be
beautiful too.”
“I can’t!”
“You must. All that is not light is darkness, all that
is not beautiful is unseen. There is no
other choice.”
“I can stay
here for ever!”
“You can, but
do you want to?”
“No! I want to stand in the light!”
“Then step
forwards.”
“I… I’m
afraid.”
“I know. Step forwards.”
“I’m naked!”
“I know. Step forwards.”
“I’m ashamed!”
“I know. Step forwards.”
“I’m hideous!”
“You are
not. Step forwards.”
“Please don’t
make me! I can’t bear it! I’ll die!”
“You can. You must.
You will. Step forwards.”
“Oh, have it
your way then…”
“There now,
little creature, was that so bad?”
“Don’t look at
me!”
“Then look at
yourself.”
“Oh!”
“Are you ugly?”
“No! Is this really me?”
“This is far
more really you than the ugly thing that lived in the darkness.”
“But what has
happened?”
“The light has
made you beautiful. You have been
persuaded that you are ugly, but you were lied to, and made to want to remain
ugly for ever, for fear of being seen for what you thought you were.”
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I did, but you
refused to listen.”
“Why didn’t you
make me come forward? Why didn’t you
force me?”
“Because no-one
could bring you into the light but yourself, just as no-one could keep you in darkness but yourself.”
“Could I go
back?”
“You
could. Do you want to?”
“No! Never!”
“Then stay
here. Stay in the light. Dance and play, and forget the darkness and
the shadows. They are not the light, and
therefore they are nothing at all, and all who remain within them will remain
ugly and tiny, while you will grow larger and more beautiful with every second
that you spend here. Dance in the light,
and let the others see you.”
“Others? What others?”
“Look out into
the darkness. Do you see them?”
“See who? It’s dark.”
“The darkness
is filled with others, all just as you once were, staring at the light with
hope and hunger and longing and despair and terror, needing and hating it and
hating themselves for what they think they are, and staring at you, and
thinking how beautiful you look.”
“Can you not
tell them to come out?”
“I can. I do.
I am. They will.”
Copyright Thomas Jones 2017
